Welcome to issue #17 of Pondering Leadership: A Deliberate and Thoughtful, Yet Informal Look at Leading and Managing. I am happy to welcome my new subscribers this week! Please let me know what you think about my topics and ideas. Last week, I wrote about what happens when the manager is the new hire. I offered some ideas to ease your way into a new work culture. This week, I’m writing about communicating with staff, in particular having difficult conversations.
The way to make sure your staff members know they have support is by communication, if not over communication. Overcommunicate does not mean micromanage. I give my staff as much info as I can about their jobs, the organization, plans, upcoming changes, my schedule, etc. They know I am forthcoming with info about all topics. My staff can ask me anything and I will answer them. I always warn them that they might not like the answer, but it will be an honest answer.
I am a firm believer in open communication - with my employees, coworkers, manager, board, whoever. I say my doors are always open. (In one job, my office had two doors. I’m here to tell you my staff and board members used both doors A LOT.) Your staff needs to feel comfortable bringing good, bad or FYI news to you. If your staff is comfortable coming to you about any issue, they will be more comfortable in their jobs. We do not want people to worry that if they do something wrong, they will be in big trouble. They need to know they have your support, particularly if you work in a public setting. If they need you to speak to an angry customer, they want to know that you will have their backs.
Communication is a two-way street. We need to be open to hearing good, bad and FYI news from our employees, managers, boards, etc. We need to listen. I mean LISTEN, not just hear. We need to be ok with people making mistakes. We need to react appropriately to whatever our staff tells us. Obviously, emergency situations require another level of response. But, for day-to-day communication, we need to keep a level head. The things that our staff members think are a big deal or are not a big deal may not be our assessment of those things. That’s ok. Maintain your professionalism and keep emotion out of it. It’s truly not the end of the world when things go wrong. Your responses to various situations will tell your staff that you trust them, and you are a team working together.
Difficult Conversations
Having difficult conversations with people is often part of the job of a manager. For my purposes this week, I do not mean discipline or termination conversations. Those are separate entities all together that deserve their own newsletter issue. I mean conversations that involve correcting behavior, telling someone they did not get a job or a promotion they wanted, or having to say no to a request that is important to someone. Things like that.
Sometimes, hard conversations happen on the fly. If you see someone using an incorrect procedure or providing less than good customer service, pull them aside privately and have a quick talk. “I noticed you used X procedure for Y process. We use Z procedure for that. Let me know if you want a refresher on Y process. I am happy to review it with you. Just let me know.” Maintain your professionalism and leave emotion out of it. Keep the conversation light and use a helpful tone.
If you know you have to have a hard conversation with an employee, prepare for it. Write down the goal of the conversation and what you want to say. Include a couple anticipated reactions realizing that none of them may happen. You need to be ready for anything. However, try not to bring an air of importance to the meeting. Don’t make a bigger deal out of it than it is in the overall workday. Maintain your professionalism and leave emotion out of it. Stick to the facts as you know them. You will feel more comfortable knowing that you have thought about it and are prepared for the conversation.
In issue #16, I wrote that one benefit of having one on ones with your employees is it gets everyone used to you having meetings with people in your office and it’s not always because someone is in trouble. Have the hard conversation in your office, unless there is a reason to have it somewhere else, but make sure it’s a private space. It should be you and the person you’re addressing only. If you think you need someone in to witness the meeting, it is probably a bigger issue than the ones I’m addressing here. However, if your staff member wants someone in the meeting with them, let them. That opens it up for you to also have someone in for you. When you send the meeting request, tell them the topic of the meeting, but not the outcome. “Meeting request to discuss budget request for X event.”
During the conversation, stick to your script. Do not agree to anything in this conversation. Take notes and if there is something you need to think about, say so. It’s perfectly fine to say that you need to take some time to determine if their suggestion or solution will work. But, if you are set on your goal, then say so. Do not let them think there is a chance that you will change your mind.
After the meeting, if you feel that the staffer is upset, tell them that they can take a walk around the block or get some fresh air for a few minutes if they would like. And, you do the same. After a tense meeting, it can help for both of you to step away.
Hard conversations do not have to be confrontational. But, we do need to keep our cool and remember that we are the authority. I would love to give examples of difficult conversations I have had, including how my employees handled the conversations. But, I respect the privacy of all of my employees, so I will not publicly discuss private conversations.
We have a lot of conversations with our employees during our work week. Most will be really good talks or very routine discussions. Some interactions will not be the time of our lives. But, making decisions and working through challenges is just part of being a good manager.
Let me know what you think. What has worked for you when you have had hard conversations? You can comment in Discussion.
Thank you for reading issue #17 of Pondering Leadership. I hope to see you next Thursday afternoon for issue #18 where I will write about volunteer leadership.
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